On Managing My Anxiety To Manage My Diabetes

Most people that know me, especially those that have known me for a while, will tell you that I'm wrapped a little tight. Always have been. Even as a toddler, I was a perfectionist. And being a perfectionist will amp up that anxiety level at a moment's notice over things other folks wouldn't even notice.

It's not as though I haven't worked on it over the years. And whether or not my efforts were always 100% conscious, I have made progress. The first time I was made aware that my emotional responses had improved was when my daughter (then ten or so) left a quarter size ink spot on my favorite peach-colored spread and I just said, "Well, it's only a blanket." She couldn't believe it.

But that was some time ago and I still get more anxious than most. Sometimes out of nowhere. Sometimes when it causes real problems. And sometimes when I'm doing my damnedest not to.

Practice Makes Progess, Not Perfect

Last week, I told you I was kicking my exercise regimen up a notch, so I'm reporting today on how that went. I don't know how things work for you, but I tend to think that if I'm not totally on top of my game, I've failed miserably. This is not the case, of course. But it's how I feel. And it's easier to drop a commitment if I think I've already let myself down. You may feel the same. So I'm going to share my week with you to encourage us both to keep going.

The Ooops! Factor

I've recently decided to make a shift in the direction of becoming a vegetarian. I've decided not to buy any more meat (not even a can of tuna!) until I finish eating what I already have in my kitchen -- which should be gone in a few weeks, at most. And at the rate I'm moving, I half expect I'll be over the urge to buy meat by then.

I'm reading labels even more intensely than ever. Many of my meals and snacks are vegetarian now, including this morning's breakfast: a peanut butter and banana sandwich on whole wheat toast with two dried dates on the side (one of my personal favorites). I've located my copy of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being Vegetarian (bought more than a decade ago). I've started scanning my diabetic cookbooks for vegetarian recipes. And I'm scouting Amazon for new cookbooks in case I feel the need.

But while I'm delighted to keep you posted about my progress on this exciting new journey, that's not the point of today's post. Though it's how I came up with the idea.

Five Things I Hate About Being Diabetic

I try to be upbeat as much as I can. It isn't always easy, but I've been around long enough to have already tried many of the possible responses to life. At one point or another, I've used rage, whining, and liquor; eating until I was stupefied; buying things nobody needs; working until I just couldn't anymore; and throwing myself headfirst off the cliff of a highly questionable romance. None of those methods ever fixed anything for more than a minute. And all of them left me with some kind of negative fallout to deal with. So whether I feel like it or not, I try hard to take the road less traveled: seeing the glass half full (or whatever platitude comes to mind at the time).

But that doesn't change the fact that there are just some things I don't like -- or even hate -- no matter how positive I try to keep my attitude. Today, just to prove I'm not really made of sugar and spice and everything unrealistic, I'm going to admit to five of them.

When Routines Get Broken

I'm a creature of habit, as many of us are. My life tends towards forming itself into routines and at my age, with the freedom of being a person who lives alone, those routines are not often interrupted. This works well for managing my diabetes.

My body typically wakes without an alarm at 6 a.m. after going to bed as a rule between 10 and 11 at night. As soon as I'm up, I do some stretches, make my bed, and check my blood glucose level. Then, I bring in the paper, fix my breakfast, take my insulin, eat while I read the daily news, and hit the computer for the first time of the day. Some mornings, I have to be out and about early and I often have to be in front of a classroom by 9:30, but even when I don't, the routine generally holds.

Better Late Than Never

I'm remembering a song this morning with words that say something like, "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!" It has an upbeat tempo and was introduced in a movie decades ago, but the sentiment is classic. None of us is perfect and life can run amok on occasion. But as I am quick to tell my students: it's not what happens; it's what happens after that.