I Can Do It My-SELF!

When children are small, one of the first signs they're becoming a little person is their declaration -- usually loud and clear -- that they want to do something. "I can do it my-self!" they announce. And at that point, if those within earshot want to avoid a meltdown, they will back up and let the child try (or at least help the little one to do so).

Somewhere along the line as I matured, I reached a point where I lost some of that commitment to myself. I live alone. I support myself financially. I negotiate my own car deals. And God help the poor soul who tries to debate me on anything I know much about. But when it comes to self-care, I've had to learn some things in recent years.

Glad To Be Me

Some days, I'm on top of the world. I wake up rested. My hair acts right. A particularly feisty outfit matches the twinkle in my eye. I'm cracking jokes. My boss buys me coffee. I get good news in an email. And everybody likes me on Facebook.

Other days, I wake up at 4:30 in the morning and can't get that argument out of my head. I give up trying to go back to sleep and crawl out of bed feeling wiped out and cranky. I look in the mirror and see an ugly, old woman on her last legs. I shuffle into the kitchen to make coffee and can't even decide if I want it. "Is this how depression feels?" I ask myself and then wonder -- seriously -- if this is the first toddling steps toward suicide.

When Routines Get Broken

I'm a creature of habit, as many of us are. My life tends towards forming itself into routines and at my age, with the freedom of being a person who lives alone, those routines are not often interrupted. This works well for managing my diabetes.

My body typically wakes without an alarm at 6 a.m. after going to bed as a rule between 10 and 11 at night. As soon as I'm up, I do some stretches, make my bed, and check my blood glucose level. Then, I bring in the paper, fix my breakfast, take my insulin, eat while I read the daily news, and hit the computer for the first time of the day. Some mornings, I have to be out and about early and I often have to be in front of a classroom by 9:30, but even when I don't, the routine generally holds.

Because I'm Diabetic

I was a child of the sixties. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I had "tuned in" to the social changes that were manifesting themselves all over the country, "dropped out" of mainstream America (leaving a job, a husband, and a walk-in closet of clothing behind), and "turned on" to alternative lifestyles that opened doors to new adventures in consciousness. Soon, I was eating brown rice and veggies, granola and home-baked bread, and salads instead of cheeseburgers, while supplementing my daily food intake with vitamin and herbal supplements. Though I was still smoking cigarettes (and other things) at that point, "dessert" or other excuses to eat sugar appeared only as "treats" on special occasions and it didn't occur to me that it should be otherwise.

When I "dropped back in" five years later, I assimilated into the norms that I realize now were moving our entire culture in an unhealthy direction. We went from fresh to canned to frozen vegetables, from homecooking to fast food, from playing outside to playing in front of a computer or a television monitor, from pushing mowers to riding mowers, from lots of sleep to lots of coffee, and from "treats" on special occasions to pop tarts for breakfast, McDonald's fries (dipped in sugar-laced catsup) and chocolate shakes for lunch, and dessert after dinner that rivaled the size of the meal. More importantly, we grazed all day on "snacks" with little to no food value and lots and lots of carbs.

When we packed on a few extra pounds, we chalked it up to middle-age and bought a larger size. And when diabetes, heart attacks, and strokes became as common as catching a cold, we drowned our anxiety in spoonfuls of Ben & Jerry's New York Super Chunk Fudge ice cream eaten out of the carton while we watched the Late Show on the way to bed.

Holiday Fun...?

I've written about traveling before on this blog. It's a topic that scares those of us who deal with diabetes because it can be complicated to manage our condition when on the road. The first few trips after we're diagnosed, the learning curve can seem pretty steep. But once we've got the hang of it, managing our diabetes while traveling can become just one more logistic like not forgetting your toothbrush and remembering to bring an extra pair of shoes. Until the unpredictable happens, that is. And then things can get interesting.

Most of the time, everything goes exactly as you hope it will. Unfortunately -- such as in the case of my return to Louisiana from New York City after Christmas -- a nightmare descends and you really get to find out what you're made of.