The Universe sent me two curves this week. And since I'm one of those folks who overthinks and over-analyzes every possible detail of her life, I've already had to talk my brain out of overdrive multiple times in a few short days. One would think I might have learned to exhale sooner by this stage of my life, but not so much.
Anyway, the first curve (on Tuesday) involved the final nudge toward becoming a vegetarian. To make a long and winding road a simple statement, suffice it to say that my overall principles are consistent with the idea of not eating animals, but my belligerent commitment to doing whatever I please based on whatever I'm used to has influenced me to ignore my principles. *sigh*
As long as I've been ducking and running from the ultimate decision to go in this direction, one might imagine that I'd just say yes and get on with it. But managing diabetes makes diet complicated, at best. And I've got the hang of the way I'm handling it now and, frankly, dread trying to figure out how to do it differently. So Wednesday unfolded with my brain a jumble of thoughts and emotions. I bounced from grieving the loss of yogurt to balancing proteins and carbs to irritation and back to grieving over and over all day till I went to bed exhausted with the issue unresolved.
The second curve (and far more unexpected) occurred when I "met someone" yesterday. And, while I'll admit that one afternoon hardly constitutes an assurance of even another afternoon, I think I can safely say we're going to find out. I should be giggling over my morning coffee, right? Once you're old enough to be unlikely to wink at someone across a crowded bar, if you happen to be single and enjoying it -- especially if you'be been that way for a while -- you don't necessarily anticipate that wave of recognition that someone you might really "like" has shown up in your space.
You certainly can't plan for something like that. And if you're a self-directed, over-busy, opinionated and independent individual who has pretty much given up romance as an idea, you're no longer "waiting." Then, this happens. But if you're managing diabetes, let alone a person managing diabetes and moving toward being vegetarian, the added pressure of thoughts like "I have to eat breakfast when I get up at 6:00 in the morning. What if he eats late?" seems far more overwhelming than it needs to.
All this emotional and psychological stir fry has reminded me of Brother David Steindl-Rast's list on how to be happy. He tells us first to stop complaining (it doesn't help and it makes you -- and those around you -- crabby). Then, accept what is (because rejecting it isn't going to change anything). Then, be here now (you can't be anywhere else anyway). Next step: seize the opportunity to enjoy (who knew that was an option?). Followed by: desire change (a real exercise in spiritual maturity). And lastly, love the turning point (that magical moment when you're always sure the cart is going to leave the track and catapult you into space at the speed of light).
So -- with all of this in mind -- I'll enter the next chapter of my life remembering that I don't have to leap off the edge of the Earth. I can take baby steps (what a concept!) in new directions that I can see as interesting and even intriguing opportunities rather than logistical nightmares. And if I wind up having to write a second book someday about how to be a diabetic vegetarian, not a problem.
If you'd like to hear a bit more on Brother David's suggestions for being happy, watch this:
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